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Am I Gay? |
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One of the most common teenage worries is about being
gay. |
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Marvin (12-14)
asks...
I am quite a slow developer and I have
found that I enjoy looking at other guys' penises. I get sexually aroused when
I see guys' penises. I think that I am gay but the society in which I live
would not accept that. I also enjoy getting with girls. Am I gay, Bisexual or
what? What should I do? |
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Marvin:
That's
a tough question to answer, as you would be the best one to know whether you're
gay or not. But keep in mind that most guys have a "penis curiosity" and
may glance around a little bit in the boys' room. This is probably especially
true of late bloomers and early bloomers alike. After all, how would one know
if he was "late" or "early" without checking the competition! This doesn't make
a guy gay, of course. Being sexually aroused when looking around may or
may not mean you're gay. Many people get excited at sexuality itself, which is
male/female independent. That is, some "get off" on sex itself, not necessarily
by whom they're watching or thinking about. Now, there is absolutely nothing
wrong with being gay or bisexual, yet there are still many negatives about it,
and many are kept "in the closet" because of this which can cause some
problems. If you are comfortable with being gay, then you shouldn't let
that stop you from "coming out" and being proud of it. Those who truly love you
will love you anyway. Those who reject you weren't your true friends to begin
with |
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Mary (12-14) asks...
Me and my friend were in my room and she asked if she could feel my
breasts. I said yes and then we ended up playing with others privates. Does
this make me a lesbian? |
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Mary:
My answer
to you is pretty much the same as my answer to Marvin (above). It is normal for
teens to experiment with same-sex friends, and does not necessarily mean that
you're gay. Most often, you're not. |
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David (15-17) asks...
My friend (he's a guy) and I have experimented together. We masturbated
each other, rubbed our penises on each other, etc. I really enjoyed it and hope
to do it again. I've read that same sex stuff in your teen years is common. Is
what we have done okay? I've fantasized about oral sex with him, is that okay
to try. I am sure we are both virgins. |
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David:
Well,
yes, same-sex activity is common among teens. If this were to become a habit,
it's possible that it will no longer be "experimental." It's possible that you
two may fall in love with each other, but only you would know whether you're
gay or not. If you have fantasies like this about other men, it's possible that
you have homosexual tendencies. I can't say whether your activities are "okay"
-- but if you're both comfortable with it, then it's okay for you. I
don't know whether I'd consider you to be a virgin any more. Regardless, you
both should protect yourselves! |
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Lindsay (f,12-14)
asks...
I like boys and I am straight, but sometimes if I think about
a girl masturbating, I get horny. Why is this? |
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Lindsay:
Believe it or not, the majority of people are not strictly 100% heterosexual --
that is, it's not an easy "black and white" distinction. More than half of all
teenagers (boys and girls) have had same-sex experiences, and it's not uncommon
for some to feel sexually aroused by a setting rather than who's
in the setting. For many, sex is sexual no matter who's involved (in
reality or in fantasy land). During adolescence it is pretty common for
same-sex friends to experiment with masturbation together. And this does not
indicate homosexuality. What appeals to a person has a lot to do with the
emotional level the person is on with another, and women tend to be closer
emotionally than guys. This sometimes creates very close relationships which
could lead to an emotional, and sometimes erotic situation. There is nothing
wrong with that -- and there's nothing wrong with being gay, either. I wouldn't
worry about -- if you masturbate, it's not such a bad thing to
fantasize. |
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Tito (15-17) asks...
Whenever I fantasize, it is always about men. Even so, I am still aroused
when I see naked women, but not as much. Am I gay? Or is this normal for my age
group? |
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Tito:
Well,
it's possible that you are gay -- you'd know it in your heart if you were. But
yes, it's very common for teens to be aroused by anyone and anything it seems.
I wouldn't worry about it. A few years from now you should know in your head
what your sexual preference is. And that's all it is -- a preference. Would you
prefer to be with men or women? Only you can answer that, and whatever that
answer may be, it's always best to be comfortable about it! |
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Mark (12-14) asks...
One time my brother and I had oral sex. Does this make me a
weirdo? |
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Mark:
In most
civilized societies, incest, whether with the same or opposite sex, is
considered wrong and unlawful. Depending on the age of your brother, it could
also be illegal. I wholeheartedly do not recommend it, and suggest that
it doesn't happen again. Perhaps you should think about why this
happened. |
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Sally (12-14)
asks...
Is it normal to fool around with your straight female friends?
I'm straight and so are my friends but we sometimes fool around sexually. Is
this normal? |
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Sally:
As
you've probably read above, it is normal for same-sex friends to experiment in
their teen years. However, when "experimenting" turns into a habit, then
perhaps you're not 100% as straight as you believe. Luckily, though, most
people aren't "100% heterosexual." Follow your heart. |
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Brian (12-14) asks...
When I was 7, my friends and I [tried oral sex]. At the time we all
enjoyed it but now I want to do it again. Am I gay? |
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Brian:
I'm a
little concerned about how a bunch of 7-year-olds decided to perform oral sex
on each other. I don't really consider that "normal" for that age group -- and
it's border-line normal for teens. If you tend to think about and prefer boys
over girls, then it's possible that you may be gay. But only you can know that
for sure. Either way, I think you're too young to be sexually
active. |
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Kyle (15-17) has two
questions:
In p.e class we had a soccer game. After our teacher told
us to have a shower, so I took off all my clothes and so did other people. I
accedentally saw other penises and they looked different. Theirs didn't have
any skin at the tip, it was like totally pulled back. Is something wrong with
me? After my penis got big people started to look. Am i gay? |
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Kyle:
You have
two questions here. First, your penis was "different" from the others because
yours is uncircumcised. What that means is, some parents choose to have their
infant boys circumcised (the foreskin of the penis is cut off) out of religious
custom or for whatever reason. But being uncircumcised is absolutely normal,
and in fact it's being performed less these days. Uncircumcised males should be
sure to pull back the foreskin when they shower, to be sure to clean their
penis thoroughly.
Your gym class erection must have been very
embarrassing, and it does happen, it seems, at the worst time. You're not
necessarily gay -- many teens tend to be sexually excited at anything. You have
to ask yourself whether you enjoyed watching the other boys in the shower, and
whether you'd prefer to see them or to see girls. Either way, it's okay as long
as you're comfortable with your preference. |
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Bob (12-14) asks about
others:
I was wondering why the other guys masturbate with
friends. |
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Bob:
Well, it's
just "one of those things" that some boys experiment with. Experimentation is
normal, although full sex acts with friends is borderline. I guess I should
point out that it is also normal not to experiment! Masturbation is
typically something one does alone, and in private. Most teens will not do this
with friends when they're adults. |
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Credit: J. Geoff
Malta, MA, EdM, NCC Adolescent Therapist
Puberty 101
Archives |
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